Deja Vu

Can't believe it's been almost a month since I've written anything in this blog. At one time, I would write every single week but lately....other things have taken over my life.

The primary thing that has been center stage is the 400+ page novel I just finished writing. I'm in the editing phase now and as soon as finances clear up a bit, I will be buying an ISBN number for it and first uploading it to Kindle and then later to a softcover format. I dickered back and forth whether to make two books out of one but might just do it in one shot. It all comes down to money right now.

Deja Vu is the working title of the novel I wrote back in 2010 and into 2011. I had put it away in Oct 2011 after having poured so much time and energy into it. Between then and now, I had begun this blog which springboarded into All The Rods and later All The Creatives. My artwork had shifted into several different directions and then I also wrote  For All Time in amongst all that.

Having put For All Time up into the Kindle market made me think very hard about doing it for Deja Vu as well,. I knew that I needed to finish Deja Vu  first and do a lot of editing on it. Also I wasn't sure where the file was either. I had to buy a new computer last year and had put a lot of important files onto CD-Rs. I found Deja Vu on one of those CDs and uploaded it into my computer.

Reading it again reminded me of how much I had missed those characters. So for the past couple of months, I have both finished and embellished quite a lot of the original writing. The first finish to the book was one that hadn't set well with me as days passed, so I deleted it and wrote another one. I am now in the process of beginning a sequel to this novel.

I am one of those people that become very attached to the characters in my books and as I wrote the last chapter a week ago, I felt a bit sad. I've never been good at goodbyes even though my life has been full of them. I decided while finishing up Deja Vu that the tale would again shift but the same four primary characters would remain within it, along with a few additional ones.

Deja Vu begins in 1890 and is actually two stories within one. The first story concerns Vivienne Marsh Wainscot, a young Canadian woman born into privilege who is trapped in a loveless marriage with an abusive man.  Vivienne's parents are in denial about this insidious abuse and live their lives as if nothing is out of the ordinary when nothing could be further from the truth. Vivienne's only plan is to escape from her hell on earth and she knows the 'why'  but not the 'how'.

The second story within Deja Vu concerns a pair of twin brothers (Robert and Raul Levette) who run a successful British shipping company. Both have recently become widowed. When a chance to travel from London to the States arises for one of them, Raul embarks on a journey that changes his life and sets forth a course of destiny that impacts not only himself but his twin brother Robert and the men's dear friends Roderick and Jocelyn Carstairs.

The main story is how Vivienne Marsh Wainscot and Raul Levette come together in a tsunami of passion, madness and desire and how the after effects consume everyone else in its wake.

A Year Ago....

Life as I knew it at the time would never be the same. A year ago yesterday was when I heard that the job I loved so much at the company that I thought I might retire from was potentially going to be letting me and others go within a month. Life as I knew it at the time would never be the same again and I was afraid...very very afraid.

At that time, I imagined that I had to maintain a standard of living that proved to be no longer in my list of capabilities. At that time, I was living well beyond my means, I just didn't realize it at the time.  The potential  "threat" to my job became a reality a month and a half later. But at the time, I just going into my Labor Day weekend and that news alone ruined the weekend for me because on top of wanting to chill and relax, I had a set of new worries to ruminate over.

It is often said by others that sometimes the lowest times of our lives are the best because the most personal growth seems to come out of them or things happen to us that change our lives for the better. During that weekend, I also made the decision to do something that definitely changed my life for the better. I decided on a whim to do something only to pick up my sagging spirits.

As a diversion and a cheap and free way to pick up my spirits, I decided to attend the St. Pete Beach VW Beach BASH. It was held at a park in St. Pete Beach. At the time, I thought old VWs were cool as hell. I had no clue that the simple act of doing this would help to change my life in ways that I never imagined. So off I trotted on a hot Sunday armed with my camera for the sole purpose of seeking the new and different.

I took a lot of photos and typed up a nice write-up for this blog. It was a great way to use a Sunday and it had done the required thing for me which was to give me something cool to smile about and for an afternoon, not have to think about how much everything sucked.

After attending the VW Beach BASH that hot sweaty Sunday, a new hobby and passion was born and soon I wanted to check out more of these events which led me to make the long journey from St. Pete to Dade City in early November to check out the mighty event known as Bug Jam. By then, I was in the midst of unemployment while at the same time applying for job after job. At this event, I took a crapload of VW photos.

From there, I planned to attend and be a vendor at the glorious weekend long event known as 'VWs Over The Skyway'. The fever had set in big time by then and there was no turning back. I try to make it to a lot of the larger VW events now with the sole intention of taking as many photos as I can. Who knew that the simple act of salvaging my ruined Labor Day weekend would set forth such a huge change in my life for the better?

All of the photos used in this article were taken that day by the way. Since then, I have become a bit more educated about older VWs and feel as though I love them even more.

I think it is amazing that a snap decision to help myself feel better could lead to something so amazing. Sometimes I am in awe of how life ends up working out for the greater good.

Go Your Own Way

Yes, 2014 has been a lot of  this. I don't think I've done more of the 'Go Your Own Way' in years. So much to tell and this is the first time I've had to sit down and take stock of my life and where I want it to go.

The first part of 2014 was the Great Undoing. This was the time period where I shed a lot of things that no longer served me. It was something that was years in the making and long overdue. One of the reasons that the Great Undoing didn't happen in 2013 is that I was flat out afraid to let go of the familiar and step away from the path into the unknown. The thing about ignoring something like this is that it's going to keep coming up, that not-so-still, not-so-quiet voice inside that compels you to make a move, a decision or a better choice.

I will go on record to say that we are all different and all walking our own paths. Not everyone would be behind what I've had to do and that's okay because it's not about them, it's about me. As I like to say 'I've spent the first half of my life doing what everyone else thought I should be doing. Now that I've come to the second part of my life, it's time to do what I think I should be doing." 

I had to let go and give up a lot of things that I thought I could not live without. I gave up my home, willingly, I might add, because I had outgrown it. It was proving to be far too expensive while my income slowly dwindled. I am happier now, living in one third of the space I lived in for years. There is less overhead and less responsibility. I was able to secure housing through a friend and am grateful every day for this chance to live here.

I left a position with a nice big company because it no longer served me. The position was temporary and no one in charge seemed to care nor did they know if I or the other temps would become permanent employees. The stress level while working there was through the roof and I began to cast my net far and wide. I found a great new job within an industry that is thriving, thankfully. Granted, I am making a bit less at the new job but the opportunities and benefits while working here completely outweigh that.

I am working in a position that I'd always been afraid to try because I doubted my ability to have what it took to do this job. Well, I'm here to tell you...I love what I am doing now! I am good at it, which completely surprised me because I never worked in his position before. I just gave it over to faith and let the chips fall where they may.

In other areas in my life, I am cutting out the fat so that I can live the life I want to. The thing is, I don't need a lot to keep me happy. I used to think that having a lot of stuff  was the way to go. Um, no, not so much. The more stuff you have, the more stuff you need to worry about. I also gave away a lot of stuff to move into my present living situation. I feel happier, lighter and more satisfied.

If anything, letting go of the old and figuring out what it takes to make me truly happy has had the effect on my gratitude level. I think that when you have a loss, whether you choose it or it chooses you, you begin to look at things differently. I am grateful for the smaller things now than I used to be. I am grateful for a nice new job with wonderful coworkers and a boss who gives more than a crap about her people. I am grateful for a roof over my head in one of the coolest spots in Pinellas County. I am grateful for the talent that God gave me and the chance to share it with people. I am grateful to know the people I know and meet the people I've met through doing a variety of things in my life.

So, if you're thinking of going your own way and doing your own thing, I could not recommend it more. You will feel like a different person and perhaps a better person for it!

Home is where the heart is

Yes, home is where the heart is and with this recent move, I truly feel like I've come home. I've been in my new place for a week now. I moved in here on my birthday and spent the majority of last weekend tying up loose ends and running here, there and everywhere in between. Today is the first day I've actually had to sit down and take it all in.

I already knew that Gulfport, FL had its own brand of unique charm to begin with. Gulfport has also served as a willing subject for most of my local photo shoots as well. This part of the county has a small town feel to it which I find refreshing and charming. The place I used to reside was St. Pete, FL. St. Pete has a lot of great things about it but as of the past few years, it has become a bit rush-rush-rush, go-go-go. At least in the section I was living in. I might move back to St. Pete at some point in the future but then again, who knows?

The thing about living here now is the feeling of peace and tranquility I feel. I also noticed that my creativity is beginning to come back as well. I haven't had the time lately to actually do a whole lot creatively but I feel it coming back to me now.

Gulfport is an artist's haven anyway. There are a lot of creative and artistic people that live and work within this area. The gallery scene is beginning to pick up a bit as well. The town also has two Art Walks a month. (I hope to participate in the near future.)

I think the fact that this area is more quaint and homey makes it easier to notice the things that would get lost otherwise in denser populations. (Although downtown St. Pete's Art Scene has been growing in strength in the past few years.)

At any rate, it is going to be great to explore this area and partake of all its glorious offerings. I hope to remain here long enough to leave my own imprint on it as well.

The Song of the Skies

During the anticipation leading up to the move from one residence to another, I have noticed that there are things I'm going to miss about living on this end of town, one of which is what I call  the Song of the Skies.

Every day, starting first thing in the morning and going on well into the evening, I am blessed by the sound of passing aircraft. I live right in the flight path of Tampa International Airport and have the pleasure of hearing the passing planes singing to me. We don't get the big boys here, like the A380 which is an enormous jet, so monstrously huge you wonder how it even gets off the ground nor do we have the wonderful 747 jumbos like you see at Kennedy or some of the larger airports.

Some people don't like living in the flight path of a major airport. I could understand if you lived in an area where it felt and sounded like the incoming planes would land on your roof. A good friend of mine is lucky enough to live in the flight path for St. Pete/Clearwater Airport which services smaller commuter airlines and private and corporate jets. The planes over there fly low enough to get some good photos of them, unfortunately my camera is never in hand when they are flying over though. One day....

I remember 9/11 vividly for reasons other than the images and media we have all seen from that day. It was the day that the Song of the Skies was silenced. That was the day where no one was flying anywhere. It felt really odd to not have at least something singing me to sleep or greeting me when I got up the next day. I didn't like it. It was unnerving because Tampa Airport was always active with a lot of landings and departures. That marked the only time that had there was no aircraft activity.

As I sit here typing this now, another roar of jet engines beckons like a siren song just outside the window. Due to the slower pace of that engine, it sounds like he was getting ready to land. One of these days, I might actually get lucky enough to get one of these big birds flying over.

In my new place of residence, I am not sure if I will be privy to the Song of the Skies. I have seen planes flying over that area but they are not as numerous as they are here. Where I work my day job, I am but a mere few miles away from St. Pete/Clearwater Airport and can see the planes coming in for landings as well as taking off. I can't see the runways but can see them in their final descent patterns.

One plane in particular is a personal favorite which flies out of the Coast Guard Station which is right next to that particular airport.

I get to see and hear this wonderful watcher of the skies and seas nearly every day. I've become accustomed to his low thrum of his four props beating the air and when I hear him flying over, I smile. I was at a picnic last weekend at a park that was not close to any airport but my antennae went up when I heard that unmistakable sound of the Coast Guard plane. I couldn't see him due to heavy cloud cover but I knew it was him just the same. Sort of like I know where a vintage VW Bug is by the sound it makes. There is nothing that sings like the Coast Guard C-130 Hercules. 

Since my new home is going to be much closer to the beach, I anticipate the music from both the Coast Guard plane and his brother, the Coast Guard helicopter. 

The CG Copter also has a distinct drone as well. When I hear the sound of a large helicopter, it's either Bayflite (which is the air ambulance transport for all the major hospitals in the area) or this handsome boy. Every time the weather gets bad, you can always count on seeing this helicopter working double time closer to the beaches and water. I live right off of Tampa Bay but am not waterfront per say so I see a lot of Coast Guard action. 

Like I said, it's not going to be the same not living in the flight path anymore but you know I will keep my eyes to the skies anyway no matter where I am. 

The Great Undoing

The past few months have been quite the rollercoaster ride to put it bluntly. I used to be one of those people that was so afraid of change that the mere thought of it made me want to hide under the covers and stay there until I was pulled out, kicking and screaming. I am beginning to see, a little later than most people, that change is a very necessary part of life and a requirement. I've learned to become friends with it and for the most part change has treated me pretty well. If anything, it has taught me more about myself than I ever could have imagined. My only regret is being so afraid and letting what might have been great things slip out of my hands due to this fear.

Change has enabled me to get very honest about parts of my life that are no longer working and no longer suit me. I think I have changed more in the past 6 months than I have in the past ten years. Once change took hold, things began to get very different very quickly. I was able to face a lot of difficult things in my life with a clear head and maturity that would have been lacking beforehand.

One of the most significant changes is my moving from one residence to another. I have lived in the same place for the past thirty years. I was in my early twenties and thought I knew a lot about the world. As time would bear out, I didn't know a damn thing! I was told that buying property was the 'smart thing' to do as rents went up, etc etc and homeownership was the Holy Grail. It was one of the biggest check marks one would attain on the 'Life Script' and if you owned a home, that meant you had somehow 'made it.'

I did love living here at one time, probably more so in the beginning as I was truly on my own (albeit with a roommate for the first ten years) and that meant I could basically do as I liked whenever I liked and it was great. But over the years, I began to feel very disillusioned with the whole idea of homeownership and these feelings began to spike as I kept getting laid off or let go from one job or another and my income began to reflect this.

Home ownership can be very rewarding. Some people are born to it and some of those people have homes that they live in and homes that they rent out to other people. Some people really go whole hog into refurbishing their homes, upgrading frequently and making their places into showplaces. There's nothing wrong with that. All the power to those people. But it's just not for me and has not been for a very long time as my priorities have changed greatly as I've begun to develop other interests and desires. I have also become known as 'house poor' and in this economy, there are a lot of us.

People seem to think that my living here thirty years means that this place is paid off. Nothing could be further from the truth as I was bitten not once but twice by the Great Refinancing Bug of the time spanning the early 2000's to the recession. This home is no more mine than the day I signed the papers on closing date.

The thing about a paid off house is that, you still need to pay taxes as well as do a lot of upkeep. Things still break. You might need a new A/C unit or a new roof or some other things. It really never ends.

This year I made the difficult decision to give this place up and put it on the market. Once I did that, the mental shift began to occur and for the first time in so many years, I began to open my mind to new possibilities and opportunities. Once the decision was made to put it on the market, then the Great Purge began. I donated furniture to various charities and gave away unseen amounts of stuff in other directions.

It is truly amazing how much crap one can accumulate in thirty years or less in some cases. Within the process of getting rid of stuff, it is amazing how much lighter I feel. It is good to get rid of things that no longer suit us. It's also a great way to figure out which things we really cannot live without as well as the things we might need to create a new life elsewhere. For example, I am keeping my computer stuff as well as all of my art papers and such. These things turn into extra income so therefore they are coming with me.

The place I will be moving to is much smaller than where I am now. It suits me to a T as I am single with a cat. I will be a caretaker for a friend and living in the efficiency apartment behind the main house. I really could not be happier or more excited. I will have my bedroom, a private bath and a studio. Yes. the old diningroom in the main house is going to be where I am putting all of my art and computer stuff. I have already mapped out where everything is going to go.

You really have no idea what this move is doing for me emotionally. It really is going to be good for me and I feel such a lift knowing that I have the open road ahead of me now. The community where I am moving to is part of the biggest local art scene around here. It has long been a dream of mine to live in that area and now that I really am going to, just seems like a dream come true. I think that spending time in that atmosphere is going to do things for my creativity in such a way that I really cannot wait to see what unfolds. I have not been this excited about anything in a very long time!

The Company We Keep

As I've been a member of the job-changers club (not especially by choice), I have come to notice a few things. It's a well known fact that most of us who work for a living spend more time with the people we work with than our own families (if we have them) or with our outside-of-work friends. This is especially true if you log many hours at a job in the form of massive OT (been there before!). 

I am working at a place now where the woman who trained me has been working there for thirty years and will be retiring in just a few months. When asked why she has remained as long as she has, other than her immense benefit package and great financial compensation, her number one reason was that she enjoys the people. I've heard that before in many other circumstances. I've often heard the refrain "I hate the new management/direction of the company/whatever but...I love the people here so much that it would be too hard to leave!" 

I get it that in some cases, this doesn't always bear out. There are situations where your job is a means to an end and you are really only there for the financial considerations and not so much for the social aspect. Some people are steadfast in their rule that "they don't come to work to make friends." I sort of get that but unfortunately I am not wired that way. And it only gets worse if you're like me and like to become rooted somewhere because the longer I've stayed somewhere, the more entrenched I get and the closer I get to the people I'm working with. 

I have been fortunate enough to be in work situations where I was able to stay somewhere long enough to feel planted and then I bloomed. When I take a look at my social structure, it is truly amazing at the amount of contacts and good friends that I have amassed simply due to the fact that we all worked for the same company during the same time. I would also go out on a limb to say that some of my deepest friendships are with people who were initially coworkers and over the years have evolved into friends or beyond that, into a family of choice. I don't know if this is because I'm single and don't have a steady boyfriend/husband in my life or because it's just the way I am to become so close to people at work. 

I think that most work situations, even if they are the worst job ever, are made better by having people that you can hang out with and at times commiserate with that get you. You're all 'going through this together' and sometimes it makes the tough things easier to bear, if you know that you're not alone in that experience. You tend to band together. 

And then there is the experience that I'm in the midst of now where a lot of my coworkers from my last company have been scattered to the four winds when the company ceased to exist. Some of us are working, some of us are unemployed, others are retired. Thankfully due to social media such as Facebook, we are all just a tap away from each other. Facebook is a great way for all of us to stay on top of what is going on in each other's lives and even to set up times to get together. 

Having been in situations where people have been let go around the same times I was, there is also the phenomena known as the "Former Coworkers of XX Company Picnic/Happy Hour/Get Together." This is alive and well from what I've seen and experienced. I think also that it is a sign of the times where so many people have been blown out of good jobs due to layoffs, company shutdowns or casualties of the economy. I seem to see a lot more people who no longer work for XX company than present workers, sad but true. 

When I look at my Facebook feed, other than special interest groups that I subscribe to or know people from, most of my feed belongs to former coworkers, who even though we no longer work together, I still care very much what happens to all of these people. 

Beyond the friendship aspect, I've noticed that some of these relationships have entered closer, deeper bonds than I ever could have hoped for. The important people in my life are a good mix of folks I've encountered on my life's journey (due to membership in various groups) as well as a good smattering of former coworkers. Some of these fine folks have helped me tremendously in my personal life and continue to do so on a daily basis. I am truly blessed to know the people I do and proud to have such long-standing relationships with them.