Go Your Own Way

Yes, 2014 has been a lot of  this. I don't think I've done more of the 'Go Your Own Way' in years. So much to tell and this is the first time I've had to sit down and take stock of my life and where I want it to go.

The first part of 2014 was the Great Undoing. This was the time period where I shed a lot of things that no longer served me. It was something that was years in the making and long overdue. One of the reasons that the Great Undoing didn't happen in 2013 is that I was flat out afraid to let go of the familiar and step away from the path into the unknown. The thing about ignoring something like this is that it's going to keep coming up, that not-so-still, not-so-quiet voice inside that compels you to make a move, a decision or a better choice.

I will go on record to say that we are all different and all walking our own paths. Not everyone would be behind what I've had to do and that's okay because it's not about them, it's about me. As I like to say 'I've spent the first half of my life doing what everyone else thought I should be doing. Now that I've come to the second part of my life, it's time to do what I think I should be doing." 

I had to let go and give up a lot of things that I thought I could not live without. I gave up my home, willingly, I might add, because I had outgrown it. It was proving to be far too expensive while my income slowly dwindled. I am happier now, living in one third of the space I lived in for years. There is less overhead and less responsibility. I was able to secure housing through a friend and am grateful every day for this chance to live here.

I left a position with a nice big company because it no longer served me. The position was temporary and no one in charge seemed to care nor did they know if I or the other temps would become permanent employees. The stress level while working there was through the roof and I began to cast my net far and wide. I found a great new job within an industry that is thriving, thankfully. Granted, I am making a bit less at the new job but the opportunities and benefits while working here completely outweigh that.

I am working in a position that I'd always been afraid to try because I doubted my ability to have what it took to do this job. Well, I'm here to tell you...I love what I am doing now! I am good at it, which completely surprised me because I never worked in his position before. I just gave it over to faith and let the chips fall where they may.

In other areas in my life, I am cutting out the fat so that I can live the life I want to. The thing is, I don't need a lot to keep me happy. I used to think that having a lot of stuff  was the way to go. Um, no, not so much. The more stuff you have, the more stuff you need to worry about. I also gave away a lot of stuff to move into my present living situation. I feel happier, lighter and more satisfied.

If anything, letting go of the old and figuring out what it takes to make me truly happy has had the effect on my gratitude level. I think that when you have a loss, whether you choose it or it chooses you, you begin to look at things differently. I am grateful for the smaller things now than I used to be. I am grateful for a nice new job with wonderful coworkers and a boss who gives more than a crap about her people. I am grateful for a roof over my head in one of the coolest spots in Pinellas County. I am grateful for the talent that God gave me and the chance to share it with people. I am grateful to know the people I know and meet the people I've met through doing a variety of things in my life.

So, if you're thinking of going your own way and doing your own thing, I could not recommend it more. You will feel like a different person and perhaps a better person for it!

Happy New Year to all! Here's to a wonderful 2014!

Well, my entirely different new life has taken another path already. Recently, I had taken a job within an industry that I'd never tried before. It turned out that I was not a good fit to do this no matter how much I twisted and forced my nature to accept this sort of work. I just came to the sad (happy?) conclusion that it just was not for me. I'm not a quitter. I will hang in there even in jobs that other people don't like or say are awful. I have a very good knack for taking a situation and tailoring it into something really good. But this one was just beyond help. With my decision to leave, I felt a pinch of guilt and a little fear. But I'm pressing forward anyway because just within a few day's time, things are starting to change for the better.My only regret was the time I wasted try to be something I wasn't.

But not all is lost. When in training for this job, I learned a lot. Not only about what I was going into as a career but about myself as well. I learned that when I want to change my life, if I pour my heart and soul into doing it, I can attain it. But to accomplish this, I can't sit back and expect things to happen for me. I need to be the one to get up and do it myself. While doing the prep, training and courses to succeed in the new job, I also learned that when it's time to hunker down and learn something, I can.

There's an old saying in Recovery groups, take what you need and leave the rest.

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions per-say but will tell you a few things I've already started doing before the stroke of midnight-

1-Keeping an open mind
2-Surrounding myself with only the good in life. This means not watching the news, not listening to negative mindsets and aligning myself with people that are making their lives and others' lives better.
3-Counting my blessings
4-Being more mindful with my money, only spending it on things that will serve me
5-Becoming more willing to put myself out there in terms of sharing my talents with the world
6-Saying yes to what I really want and not wasting my time with things I don't want
7-Choosing who to spend my time with (See #2 above)
8-Knowing that I am valuable and people want what I have to offer
9-Learning from my mistakes
10-Listening to my intuition a bit better

So having said all that, Best of luck to all of you in 2014! May this be your best year yet!

An Entirely Different Sort of Life

Today is  really the first day that I've had the time to actually sit down and take stock of my life and my current situation. Yes, the idea behind today's blog has been percolating in my brain for a few days now but I lacked the time and the inclination to get it together. I had so many other ideas for the first ATG blog post, including one that I wanted to call 'Fallen, Not Broken'. 

Two weeks ago, I did indeed feel 'fallen, but not broken'. I'm not sure if I really feel that way now. I'm pushing more towards seeing things through new eyes instead hence the current name of today's post. To get you up to speed, a couple of weeks ago I joined the not-so-exclusive club shared by many Americans called 'Unemployed'. (Yes, aside from doing this blog, I had a 'normal' job that basically paid the bills.) 

My mindset about this is not negative. I don't hate my former place of employment and am very grateful for what I learned there, the experiences I had and the things I took from it, in particular the people. The employees are always such a big part of wherever I've worked and thanks to social media, we all can stay in touch and on occasion, spend some time together. 

I think one thing that helped in this situation is that I somehow knew that the layoff was coming. And when it did, I was neither angry nor blindsided, as I'd been in past situations. I pretty much hit the ground running. I was prepared in a way that I hadn't been before while in the same situation years back. 

It's not to say that I haven't felt the pull of sadness, wondering 'what if' and 'what could have been.' I think those ideas reside in all of us to some degree. A great word for this feeling is what I'd found on Facebook of all places.

Hiraeth-

(n) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past. 

pronunciation- (HEER-eyeth)

I have spent a good portion of the past two weeks thinking not only of my most recent job but the ones I've had before this one. The yearning I felt for those good memories was almost physical. I call it a 'pull'. 

Luckily, I don't spend all my waking hours living in the past. I couldn't function if that was the case. An important thing that I focus on is that I need to give up the life I had to go for the life I want and this includes getting rid of preconceived notions about things and having a more open mindset. It seems that everything I thought I really wanted is ending up not really being that, if that makes any sense. I'm finding that I am pursuing new ideas, trying some on for size and when they don't fit, shedding them and moving on. 

It's becoming easier to move on when something doesn't work for me. In the past, I used to dwell and beat myself up something fierce. Sometimes when things don't work out, it really has nothing to do with you personally, it just might not have been the right thing for you at that time. 

I had lost my job five years ago from a company where I thought I'd retire from, I had been there nearly twenty years. I was completely blindsided and when it happened, my world dropped out from underneath me. It's been said how devastating job loss is for people and I believe it. At that time, I had skills in one industry but not enough to really take me where I wanted to go. At that time, I had no self worth at all as an employee. I didn't think I had much if anything to offer anyone. I would not want to live like that again. 

Yet, I am unemployed but this time it is different. When it happened this time, I had a long talk with myself. I was not going to make the same mistakes I'd made in the past. Last time, I did not enjoy my life at all. I had felt as if I didn't deserve to because I felt like I was 'bad.' I felt defective. I took it very personally, even though the reason really had nothing to do with me. I wasn't as well-rounded then as I am now. I didn't have the resources for support then as I do now and I just felt beat up and it immobilized me to the point where fear ruled my world. 

But, now? I'm not doing that. I am enjoying my life. I am not so attached to the outcome of things as I had been before. I've gotten away from the thinking that something needs to go a certain way to make me happy. Yes, I'd like things to go in a positive direction for my life but I feel that when one door closes, another opens. I'm learning to be happy now and not delay my happiness on some future event that may or may not ever happen. I think the concept I'm referring to is known as 'living in the present.' 

Because I feel and think differently, things are happening now that are for my greater good. Even if the situation or thing is seen as negative, I can always learn from it and do better next time or choose differently. I find myself not worrying quite so much and just taking things one step at a time. For a one-time chronic worrier, this is big. Worry really serves no purpose at all. I used to think that if I worried about something in the future that when the thing happened, I'd have covered all the bases and would be okay. Yes, this is how a brain on worry works, at least mine did. Not a great way to live life. I'd found that I miss a lot of what's happening in the present when I'm worrying about something in the future. 

I can't spend my life worrying. It is just a waste of time. There is nothing wrong with thinking things through but when it turns into over- thinking or worrying, then all is lost. 

Another thing is keeping a positive outlook. I am not listening to the news like I used to. I'm not hitting any of the news websites. I'm consciously seeking out positive people, messages and mindsets. I'm also providing positive, uplifting messages and friendship towards a lot of my other unemployed friends as well as people that seem to need it now. I'm working very hard to see the good in the world as opposed to all the doom and gloom. 

So having said all that, I am living an entirely different sort of life. I find myself doing a lot of things these past few weeks that I might have given a pass on before. I really don't know what's coming up and I'm going to keep my mind open to what it might turn out to be. I could say in all honesty, that living this 'entirely different sort of life' has been rather fun.